For a very long time, I believed I don’t want to change anything from my mother’s upbringing and it is still hard to admit I will do those 3 things differently.
I can’t be sure if my son is going to appreciate those changes and for sure there will be mistakes in my raise as well. But at least I have to try.
1. More Outside Activities
My mother always took her time to play with me. She is really creative and it was always fun for both of us making cardboard house for my dolls and playing word games (I wrote my first book at 6 thanks to her). She was also telling me a bedtime story every day she made them up herself and I was touched every night and was crying every time.
Now I have my own sun and when we are outside at children’s playground I realize I miss that when I think about my childhood. We lived in a house and there was a lot of outside space and there weren’t children playground as are today, but I wish we would go for a walk sometimes or just spend mother-daughter-father time outside. So I and my partner really try to spend more activities outside together and I can see my son is really enjoying it.
2. Put Me In First Place
She did it all by herself. If there was a socket to repair or need to mow the lawn or paint the wall she most times did is all by herself. Not to mention housekeeping and everyday work since she and my dad was having her own company. And now I know it is freaking hard keeping a healthy balance between having a job spend a quality time with children and have a home in order.
We are two adults and only one child and we can’t handle it most of the time. My mother was alone and 3 of us and she did better than we do. But at what price. It was hard. Really hard. I can tell you I felt it would be too much for her to handle my feelings so I just kept it for myself.
If she only would take a little time for herself now and then it would be all different. I wished so much she would go out for a coffee or have a hobby or go for a walk. Anything. But it wasn’t on her prior list. And it was really painful for me. So I decided to put myself in a first place. Of course, it is necessary that my son is well and his needs are most important especially the first couple of years but if I need time for myself I take it. And life is so much easier for everyone. No one will give you that time you have to take it.
3. Teach Him Discipline
For 8 years I was the only child and I was quite a peaceful time and order in our life. But then my sister was born and two years after my brother and from then on it was nothing but chaos. Both of them were constantly fighting, the TV was loud, my father and mother were talking to each other…
It was always something. I don’t know if this is the reason that I love to have a peace at home but I know I needed a little bit of peace and quiet for just a few moments of the day and I didn’t get it. And because of this, it was lack of discipline. I was longing for a discipline.
Every child do even if they stand on parents ground and they do. But children need someone to demand to go study and do the homework. I was having really good grades and I was helping with housekeeping and was also working for our company. But I could do so much more or at least much faster and easier if I only had a discipline. I felt it was so much more potential for me.
Back then it wasn’t such a problem as it is today because I need to teach myself a discipline out of nothing and it is much harder for me as it is for someone who taught it in its early age. And I will make everything to make an order in my life so I could transmit it to my children and hopefully, they will have time for other things in their life.
I am very thankful for what my parents taught me and gave me. Today I am proud of myself and if is only because they did a great job. I can tell you I know a very few people whose parents support them no matter what and trust in their decisions and of course, there is many more. If I will be as good as they were and still are I will be a great parent.
What are the things you will do differently? I’d love to hear any thoughts at all on the topic.
Leave the comment below and let’s talk about it.
With love, Monika.
p.s. If you enjoyed this article, check my previous one, where I talked about 5 Reasons For Not Changing My Gyn
p.p.s. If you enjoyed this article, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook. Thank you!
About the author
Monika Setinc is a mother, businesswoman and a Chief Engagement Officer with Kunapipi. She spends her free time with her little son.